Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
