I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize