I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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