Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
