I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
