it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
