took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
