Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
