toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
