You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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