plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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