No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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