We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
