I can text with my tongue
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
