Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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