You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
