just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
