It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
