So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
