One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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