ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
