You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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