It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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