I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Houston, we have a blender
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize