Already got asked if we're dating
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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