Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
