hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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