just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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