you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
