Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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