He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
