the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
