You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
