Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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