sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
