I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
