I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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