Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
