bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We left the knife in your bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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