at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
