Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize