I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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