Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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