Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
