He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
