my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
