Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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