News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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