when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
