Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
