did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He has the fingertips of a God
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
