Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just pee around me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
