I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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