uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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