Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
