Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
