Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ketchup is God's man juice
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
