the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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