He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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