she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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