you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
