The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
