i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
