what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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