She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
