My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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